According to statistics, the US has one of the highest divorce rates in the world, with 750,000 cases annually. Sadly, divorce has negative repercussions that many don't talk about, including guilt, stress, depression, and substance abuse. Again, it negatively impacts children by affecting their academic performance and making them emotionally sensitive, among others. The emotional impact of divorce is too often overlooked once the divorce becomes a legal matter overseen by divorce attorneys. Even when the divorcing couple opts for divorce mediation (a less adversarial and usually less expensive option, with one divorce mediator rather than two attorneys), the emotional effects on the divorcing adults and their children often are not addressed as well as they should be. Attorneys, and mediators, are usually not trained and experienced in helping their clients address the emotional aspects of going through the very stressful experience of ending a marriage.
In many cases, divorce ends with both parties losing communication with each other, even when they "share" their children going forward, and unwanted feelings towards each other can remain for many years to come. Some couples also become embroiled in court cases characterized by hostility and resentment. Consequently, the couples suffer, as do their children. Hence, there's a need for an intervention where individuals can end their union as peacefully as possible, with "inner peace" as well as a peaceful ability to communicate, when necessary, with their "ex.". These are situations, before, during, and after a divorce, where divorce coaching can play a very important role in improving the emotional consequences of the divorce.
In most cases, divorce coaching is provided by a trained divorce coach who works with one of the divorcing partners. In some cases, both partners can be seen together (or separately) to help the divorce process go as smoothly as possible, addressing the underlying emotionally-based issues that can undermine the effectiveness of what the lawyers or mediator are trying to accomplish, namely the drafting of a divorce agreement. Emotional issues have a major impact on people's good judgment in decision-making situations, and nothing is more emotionally-upsetting and disruptive to good judgment than going through an acrimonious divorce. If the emotional challenges you are experiencing are not addressed in a helpful manner, the legal aspects of the divorce process will get more complicated and more expensive, drag on for much longer time periods, and ultimately end up costing so much more, financially and psychologically, than the investment in working with a skilled, empathetic divorce coach.
Not all people who work as "divorce coaches" have necessarily gotten trained in this area of expertise, and most of the people who do go for certified divorce coaching training are not previously trained as mental health professionals. What all "good" divorce coaches have in common is that they understand the basic factors underlying the divorce process, so that they can help prepare their clients to optimally work along with their attorney or mediator to lead to the best possible outcome. The more knowledge, understanding, and expertise the divorce coach has in both the divorce process and the emotional aspects of that process, the more helpful the divorce coach is likely to be.
A question that is often asked when the possible referral to a divorce coach comes up (perhaps when recommended by an attorney or mediator, or a clergy person, etc.) is how does divorce coaching differ or compare with seeing a psychotherapist. There are some therapists who specialize in working with divorcing clients, and have a clear understanding of the various legal, financial, custody, and emotional issues specific to divorce, but many do not have these areas of specialized knowledge. Divorce coaches should, and usually do. Add the expertise that comes from a prior mental health professional background, and the "right" divorce coach is often the most qualified person to be helpful during this extremely complicated and stressful process.
Other questions that often come up relates to paying for divorce coaching: "Why pay for coaching when I have insurance for therapy?" and "Why not just talk to my lawyer or mediator about how I'm feeling?" Divorce coaching will not be covered by insurance plans: the divorcing client is not (usually) suffering from a diagnosable mental disorder, and is therefore not eligible for therapy reimbursement in most cases, and, as discuss in the prior paragraph, therapists are usually not divorce specialists.. As for calling upon your divorce lawyer, or mediator, when you're emotionally upset related to the divorce, the cost of divorce coaching is almost always much less expensive than the fees divorce attorneys and divorce mediators charge for their time, and those professionals are very rarely trained in helping with the emotional-interpersonal aspects of the divorce experience. Listening to their clients and helping their clients when they are upset is not what lawyers and mediators are paid to do and usually they are not so good at it, yet some will charge for their time when you call to "vent," without having the skills to help you with your feelings. That's just not what they do well.
In closing, I want to emphasize the value of considering divorce coaching as a supportive, helpful adjunct to getting the legal help you need, as you deal with the inevitable divorce-related stressors faced by you, and your children. The investment in a few sessions with a qualified divorce coach can save a lot of time, money, and distress over the duration of the divorce process itself, and for the lifetime that follows, for you and for your children. Divorce mediators and divorce attorneys can benefit from referring their clients to a divorce coach when the client's emotional upset regarding the divorce interferes with the clients focusing calmly and rationally on the matters that need to be resolved for the divorce process to proceed optimally.
